THESE RECORDS NO LONGER PLAY THE MUSIC OF MEN

The collected poetry of a pretentious mid-1990s grunge kid.

For a brief period in the spring and early summer of 1994, I was a famous poet.

This is the record of my shame.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

An Introduction by the Author...

This is the record of my shame.

For a brief period in the spring and early summer of 1994, I was a famous poet. Fame, of course, is relative; in this context I define it as: "once or twice, strangers on the street complimented me on my 'work' after having recognized me from open-mike poetry night at the pretentious coffee shop."

I'd been writing poetry for a number of years, from crappy junior high rhyming poems about elves to crappy high school free verse about suicide, but 1994 was the year I really began to take my "art" "seriously".

This is the record of my shame.

1994 was the year I discovered the Cafe WA in Tacoma, Washington, with its cheap coffee, overpriced pizza, and biweekly open-mic poetry readings.I'd never been particularly shy about sharing my writings with others, but this was the first time I'd ever recited anything. It was surprisingly well received.

I was hooked. I went back every two weeks without fail, but never again did I recite any poetry. Instead, I performed poetry. Hell, I hawked the shit like morphine-laden snake oil.

And the suckers ate it up.

By mid-summer, I had quit poetry in disgust. Poetry was important to me back then. I cared about this crap; it was a major part of who I was. But it didn't take long at all before I found myself writing for the audience. I'd jot down a couple lines and think to myself, "I can take this poem in this direction and they'll cheer, that direction and get an ironic chuckle out of them, and then finish with this and get a couple seconds of stunned silence followed by a standing ovation."

In short, I was a sellout--in the least-lucrative art form known to man.
A year later I was married, living in another city, and no longer remotely hip. I'd just discovered the internet and, in an attempt to rekindle my intrerest in poetry, typed up some of my old stuff out of one of the few poetry notebooks I didn't throw away when I moved.

The attempt failed, and with just one or two exceptions, I haven't written a poem in over ten years.

This is the record of my shame.

The poems you see here are the product of five exhaustive minutes of Google Groups research. I wrote many, many others. Some were better, some were worse, but the ones reprinted here are a fairly representative sample of the sort of crap I was churning out in those days. They're cut and pasted directly from the newsgroup archives, typographical errors and all. If I'd gone in to fix the spelling, I wouldn't have been able to stop there. I would have had to move some line breaks around to make them more visually impactful, replace a couple words with better-chosen ones, tightened up a few murky metaphors and, you know, completely rewritten the damned things so they didn't suck.

I didn't want to do that. First of all, it would be disingenuous: this is a historical record, posted here to satisfy an internet friend's curiosity. Mostly, however, it's just that I didn't want to get any of the stuff on me, if you know what I mean.

This is the record of my shame...

Dust #1

The grooves in my records
are worn down and blurred like
the furrows in the fields
drenched in dust and no
rain

these records no longer play
the music of men
but instead the arid
bitter music of static
and dust

graceful as the cough
of the farmer squatting
in the dusty twilight of his barn
with a shotgun in his mouth
big toe curled around the trigger waiting
patiently for the good lord to tell him
to stop and knowing damn well
he never will

untitled

AUTHORS NOTE: Not giving your poem a title instantly makes it at least 5% cooler.

I held your desert in my hands
raised it to my lips,
ate,
scoured my tongue with sand
& bitter weeds

I locked your doors
& set your bed on fire
smeared sunshine on your walls
& went out with my friends
while your rabbits burned

I spat your desert from my mouth
through all 37 holes
in my telephone
a hundred thousand grains of static
invading the night
network of wrong numbers
and interrupted sleep

(I followed the directions as long as I could,
until I lost control of the language
& went out on my own
then I learned the real lesson
in simplified form: push
as hard as you want
because something always has to break)

you called me Sunday morning
your suspicions confirmed
"A thousand degrees in the shade,"
you cried, before
tears obscured your voice completely

"Yeah," I snarled
"but it's a dry heat."

swing

Swinging,
hands stinging from
the smooth cold chains,
body arcing thru space
thru April rain
thru curtains of memory
frozen for an instant, green
on green beneath gray,
the secret dark glow
of growing things and rain

the body remembers before the mind
the rhythms of childhood,
legs pumping eyes closes the rush of
wind in your face & how you almost
feel like you could fly...
you tell yourself you feel that way now
but you're lying
because you're not a child anymore
& you've forgotten what flying means.

but at each end of the swing's path
you hang motionless
frozen in time
laughing at gravity
dancing on the border between earth & sky
never & forever
before you drop back to begin
again
because you're not a child
anymore

but you're forgiven.

untitled

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Writing a poem about a pretentious coffee shop with the express intention of reciting it at the pretentious coffee shop is, like, all clever and shit.

You park your car and slam the door
(parallel park like they taught you
in high school)
your engine ticks as you run
across the street
and check your reflection in the window
on the way in

inside the cafe
you drink your coffee and tap your pen
against your teeth
while the cool kids
sit in tight little circles
around heavy wooden tables
and everybody has a notebook

(and you wish it would rain
because yesterday the wind
blew the dead
leaves in tight little circles
and the sould of the dead
leaves on the pavement
was like running water
and you knew it was raining
somewhere)

so you lose your car keys
down your third or fourth
cup and now your coffee
tastes like brass
and it stings your tongue
but it doesn't burn

and when you go outside
there's an ugly brown cat
asleep on your hood
(they like the warmth of the engine
and you can't leave
because you swallowed your car keys

so you go back inside
and cleverly (because you're
feeling clever tonight)
you write "Car keys $1.00"
on the menu
and you order some

but the girl smiles, sadly
& says "I'm sorry
we're fresh out. How about
some pizza?"

And you think about it
and even start to reach
in you pocket
but you stop
because for two dollars a slice
they could at least
throw in some car keys.

at a table: 3 men who heard about it later

"Coffee tastes like shit."
"Always does."
"Yup."
"Heard some kid killed himself at the ariport last night."
"Yeah? How do you kill yourself at an airport?"
"Eat the food?"
"Shut up. No, he jumped off the upper level, right smack in the
middle of a bunch of tourists."
"Is that right?"
"Yeah, broke some guy's arm. Made a hell of a mess, blood
everywhere... Probably be on the news tonight."
"Think he did it on puprose?"
"Don't know. I heard it from this guy who works there, pushes a
mop. Said the kid stood up on the railing and stuck his arms out like
some big old bird. Like he was trying to fly or something."
"I guess he did for a while."
"Shut up. Guy said he was some punk freak: weird clothes, weird
hair. Probably on drugs."
"Yeah. Still, if you're gonna kill yourself, I guess an
airport's a good place to do it. I mean, people coming and going all the
time, taking trips. Be just like getting on a plane and flying to Utah
or something. I don't know."
"What are you, a fucking philosopher?"
"Is Utah heaven or hell?"
"Shut up."
"Coffee tastes like shit."
"Always does."

untitled

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is a poem about Kurt Cobain, which is, of course, inexcusable. Bear in mind, however, that at the time I wrote it Kurt Cobain's death was still a current event. So while the poem is still a piece of crap, it was once, at the very least, timely, relevant crap.

Charlie Parker
Buddy Holly
Jimi Hendrix
Jim Morrison
Sid Vicious
Ian Curtis
Darby Crash
Kurt Cobain
Everybody wnats another reason to cry
everybody wants another product to buy

I bought the first Nirvana album
the summer before I flunked
out of high school
Nirvana's "Bleach"
Mudhoney's "Superfuzzbigmuff"
and the Screaming Trees' "Invisible Lantern"
were my holuy trinity
as I sweated through that summer
learning to play guitar
learning to drink coffee
learning to stage dive at the OK Hotel

everybody wants another reason to cry
everybody wants another product to buy

I bought Nirvana's second album
the summer after I flunked out of high school
working for my parents
writing songs in my head
when the batteries in my walkman
had gone dead

we had a band, Scott, Josh, & I
and the first time we played
for anyone but ourselves
was for 5 mormon girls dressed
in plaid skirts and Doc Martens.
we played like shit
I broke a string
but the mormon girls loved us
and that night our band
slogan was born:
"Big Clear Nothing -- 4 out of 5
mormon girls think we sound
like Nirvana
(The 5th one's never heard Nirvana)"

it's kind of disturbing how so
many of my memories hinge
around some form of entertainment

I don't feel very entertained
just now

When I first met tho womanI'm going to marry
we went to Scott's house
and wathced his tape
of Nirvana's first Saturday Night
Live appearance
She didn't like the way they
smashed their guitars
"Why can't they just give
them away to poor musicians
who can't afford guitars
of their own?"
I just liked the sound it made-
like a plane crash
like angels fucking
like a shotgun blast

Kurt Cobain
did you hesitate
with you finger on the trigger?
did you think it was too late?
that your death would be
like your life -- packaged,
shrink-wrapped, displayed on
a shelf at the mall
for some kid to waste his allowance on

did you imagine your MTV
disciples with golden shotguns
around their necks?
I hope you didn't care
God I hope you didn't care

On a Metro bus at 5:30
Friday afternoon
I heard 2 construction
workers talking
"Hey, didja hear about
that rock-star Kurt Cobain
killing homself?"
"Yeah, that's really something."

Cruel as it sounds I'm glad
you died, before you became
this generation's Elvis.
I just hope it's not too late.

everybody wants another reason to cry
everybody wants another product to buy

The Burger King at the Seattle Grayhound Station

poem about travel
poem about sleeping on the back
seat of the Greyhound driving
south thru circles of light
down Interstate 5

poem about God
poem about highways
written on the road
written in concrete
written on the back
of the man at the Greyhound
station who said "Dude,
do you want to buy an apple
for a dollar? I'm trying
to get enough for a ticket home."
"Yeah? Where do you live?"
"Depends on how many apples you buy."

John & Marty's Tree Fort & Pirate Club (no girls allowed)

we sat together
in the green
shadows
with a six pack
of Strawberry Crush
between us
on the warped
& mismatched boards.

he was very quiet
& I was halfway
through my fourth
issue of Captain America
before he dried his eyes
on his sleeve,
looked
up & said,
"The swamp
ate my brother,

he was bad."

pretty girls in coffee shops

Pretty girls in coffee shops
piss me off
with their dresses
and their sweaters and their
big rolled up jeans
and their fingers
and their steaming cups of latte
and their laughing
and their card games

pretty girls really don't belong
in coffee shops at all

coffee should be like
alcohol in reverse
and a coffee shop should be
like a bar in reverse,
a place
where you go not
to forget
but to remember--
burn your tongue
on endless cups of thick,
black, bitter memory

FREE REFILLS!
OPEN 24 HRS!

Table for one.
Cheating at solitaire
with late night coffee shop cards:
The Seven of Worms
The Jack of Ashtrays
The Ace of God

buddy system

The buddy system:

Each of you will choose a "buddy". At no time are you to enter the

poetry

alone. You and your "buddy" are responsible for each other's safety. Therefore, the choice of a buddy is an important one. You should choose someone whom you not only get along with but one whose level of skill is closest to your own. In this manner your will be able to challenge each other and, thereby, improve your

poetry

skills. You must always remember that although

poetry

is fun, it can also be dangerous to the incautious. Please try to refrain from running, fighting, and horseplay while in or around the

poetry

You are not to lose sight of your buddy. Remember that if your buddy should slip under the

poetry

he or she could be seriously injured or even killed. We cannot stress too much the importance of treating

poetry

with proper caution and respect. NEVER aim

poetry

at another person. If you are caught doing this you will immediately disqualified. From time to time your

poetry

will be inspected. Make sure it is well maintained and that all the parts are in working order. The

poetry

issued to you is yours and yours alone. At NO TIME are you to borrow or lend

poetry

Anyone caught doing this will immediately be disqualified. Should you lose your

poetry

report immediately to the main office. Every attempt will be made to issue you a new

poetry

but quantities are limited, so a replacement cannot be guaranteed. In the past there have been incidents of people accidentally dropping things into the

poetry

Due to the nearly insurmountable difficulties of recovery, you must consider anything dropped into the

poetry

as lost forever. This may seem harsh and unfair, but you MUST learn to treat

poetry

with respect. Never forget,

poetry

can kill.